


I need your reason

by Trtrtrtr



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 18:11:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13277067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trtrtrtr/pseuds/Trtrtrtr
Summary: "Why didn't you tell me? I need your reason.” - He asked her as she kneeled down beside him."I don't have any.” - She lift his hand to get a good look at the wound. It stung and he winced in process."You’re lying.”She didn't take his words and he twisted his hand so now it was grabbing hers. She hold his gaze calmly."Make - it - up" - he hissed.





	I need your reason

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this long ago, right after watching Civil War but never finished. I loved Tony and Natasha. I didn't read any fanfic about them in too long and lately, with the back at reading fics, that love came back and I just needed to finish this.
> 
> I know there will be many mistakes in this story, again, English is not my first language (you may get tired of this reason but I did try my best :( ). I'm sorry in advance.
> 
> The story took place after the event of civil war (too late, right? :( )

 

“ _You got them out yet?_ ”

 

“ _Yeah, we’re safe in Wakanda now. Where are you?_ ”

 

“ _I’m still in New York._ ”

 

“ _Come here with us, Nat?_ ”

 

“ _No, there are things I have to deal with. Tell Clint that I already took care of Laura and the kids?_ ”

 

“ _Ok._ ”

 

“-“

 

“ _Nat?_ ”

 

“ _Hmm?_ ”

 

“ _He knew… about his parents. Nat._ ”

 

And Steve told her all the things that had happened in Siberia. Gods, this was bad. How could… How could they let _this_ happen? _He_ didn’t deserve any of this. 

 

“ _I’m an asshole, aren’t I?_ ”

 

“ _You and I, we both are._ ”

 

***

 

Rhodey was doing good. He could walk appropriately with the artificial leg that Tony had built for him and showed no sign of depression, which Tony wasn’t sure because of Rhodey was good at hiding things or Tony was bad at reading people. But doing good was still doing good. So when Tony was asked to give a speech about his new foundation, he agreed.

 

And of all people, thousand at least, attending the conference that day, he didn’t understand why it was her who his eyes met. Well, that because she was the one who wanted to be seen, not the other way around, he told himself. He had to blink his eyes and looked at her several times to make sure he didn’t have any kind of illusions. And he didn’t.

 

She wore a hoodie, which looked familiar to him because it was his. Or maybe she had bought another one which looked exactly like his but there was no way she had done it, so it definitely was his. Or had been, whatever. But it was his favorite one so he took note to query her later, if they met.

 

It was hard. When you were in the same room at her yet you couldn’t run right to her and ask why she was here since she wasn’t supposed to be here. Though he tried his best to continue delivering the speech smoothly, he couldn’t fight the urge to let his eyes wander back to that one certain direction. He thought she knew that fact due to the display of a smirk on her face which he could still see fine from this far.

 

After he’d finished with all the giving speech and taking photos things, security escorted him back to his car and he dismissed them halfway. Mere minutes after he get in, the car door slid open and just like that, she let herself in and locked her eyes to his.

 

“ _Do you not look at the mirror before going public? Even sitting that far, I still see the dark circles around your eyes._ ” - She didn’t bother to hide the sarcasm in her voice which was very like her.

 

Not a _hello_ , not a _hi_ , not a _how are you doing_ , not a _how have you been_ , not any of that, just this nonsense line and that exact nonsense line ironically made his lips curve up.

 

“ _Hi, Natasha. Tired of hiding?_ ” - He greeted her.

 

He noticed the way how her eyes never left his face since she got in and some how he hoped it meant that she, at least, had longed to meet him, too.

 

“ _Nah_ ” - She slid her hands into her pockets which reminded him his earlier intention.

 

“ _Then what brought you here? And by the way, is that my hoodie?_ ” - He asked with inquisition in the first question and mock in the second.

 

She rolled her eyes at that then tilted her head to face him which helped him get a clearer look of her face. Besides some new formed bruises on her left check, she comprehensively hadn't changed much. It was unfair, wasn't it? He thought a woman who was on a run like her would probably look more agonized and less vital than this. And yet, she managed to prove his thought was all wrong.

 

" _Nothing special, just thought I should check on you since you appear on a public conference._ " She replied. 

 

Many buildings passed by outside while he studied her face as she said so. Like doing such things to her would bring out any adequate outcomes.

 

“ _Liar._ ” - He finally shook his head.

 

The last time they two saw each other, he called her a woman who had the double agent things stuck in the DNA and she called him a man who could never let go of his ego. Honestly, after her throwing those words to his face and walked away, he thought maybe they'd screwed up.

 

 _"I need to talk to you."_ He heard her admitted.

 

Whatever she was going to say, he wouldn't like it, he knew for sure.

 

 _"Can we go back first?"_ He raised an eyebrow.

 

She sighed and he took her silence as a cue for agreement so he drove them back to the Tower.

 

***

 

They rode the elevator in silence. He remembered it'd never been this awkward when he'd been with her before. There'd always been his harping on stupid things and her smirks and telling him to stop. Everything just seemed off.

 

As the elevator reached its destination, he went straight to the bar.

 

He pretended not to notice the way she eyeing the shield leaning solitarily onto the wall. He'd brought it back to the tower instead of The Avengers facility which he still couldn’t find a proper expalanation. Maybe he just needed a reason to reassure himself that he didn't do anything wrong, that the fight that had happened in Siberia wasn't all his fault, that he would never ever pick up the phone and dial the only number that was put on it. Damn the phone and the letter. 

 

Every times he saw the shield, the images of that day came up. It haunted him in his sleep, even when he closed his eyes just to take some rest after a long day of working and dealing with the shit the government brought out. It was hard to sleep lately. Maybe it’s why he had dark circles around his eyes like Natasha’d said, he guessed.

 

 _"Vodka?"_ \- He asked her as he poured himself a glass of scotch.

 

She sat down at his lether couch and nodded. He handed her the drink.

 

 _"Steve told me about what happened in Siberia"_ \- She said while playing with the edge of the bottle. 

 

There it was, the reason why she was here. It must surprise him but it didn't. Natasha and Rogers got closer after they'd decided to train the new Avengers together so nothing was unwonted about the fact. But it didn't help him feel any better either.

 

 _"Whatever you're gonna say, don't."_ \- He leaned further to the couch and said. More like demand.

 

 _"But I have to"_ \- She insisted.

 

 _"Then say it another time. I... I don't wanna hear it now."_ \- Tony closed his eyes. After the Accord, he rarely got any good days like this. Giving speech at his new foundation was good and... so was seeing her. He didn't want to ruin it now. 

 

She didn't say anything in a while and that somehow riled him. Like she gave a fuck about what he wanted or how he was feeling. So he put down his scotch:

 

 _"But you're gonna say it anyway. Heard him talking about it and? Did he tell you how he and his best friend had fought against me? What he and his shield had done to my act reactor? How he’d punched me in my face just to protect his best friend?”_  - He challenged. Gods, how easily those memories could push him to the edge.

 

 _"Tony, that's not..."_ \- She didn't seem surprised so Rogers must told her all.

 

 _"That's not what? Did he tell you what his friend had done?"_ \- He questioned her derisively. 

 

She frowned as she heard him said it. Not in the way she didn’t understand or didn’t like what he was saying but the way… And suddently something came up to his mind.

 

 _"Natasha, tell me you hadn't known about it before... before Rogers told you."_ \- He grabbed her wrist, forced her to look at him.

 

It was the first time Tony saw something called remorse in her feature, her eyes, which meant she'd known, which meant they'd known all along. And in the next second, he sent the glass flying through the air. The sound it made as it hit the wall and shattered didn’t ease his building up anger.

 

 _"Nat?"_ \- He thought he already knew the answer but still he wanted to hear it from her. How pathetic. He hoped that this wasn't the truth, that Rogers was the only one that had known about his parents. But her silence answered him enough.

 

He immediately stood up. He could sense the boiling of his blood. He wasn't good at controlling his temper when he was angry and right now, he felt the need to punch something, anything. 

 

 _"You knew and it never crossed your mind that maybe you could spend a few minutes to tell me about my murdered parents? Why? Nat? Why?"_ \- He shouted at her.

 

Natasha stood up and walked towards him. She didn't even try to cool down his anger. She just looked at him with the sadness that he vaguely remembered he'd seen in her once. Back when he’d  found her in Russia, when he’d tried his very best to bring her back home with him, with the team.

 

Then she said: _"Do you ever wanna hear it from me?”_

 

 _"What?"_ \- He couldn't believe she could say something like that. Why was everything happened because of him?

 

 _“And Rogers. He… When we found out about your parents, we didn’t even have time to think through it. But there is one thing I know that he does… care for you, Tony.”_ - 

She seemed so struggle to find the right words.

 

 _"Care?"_ \- He mocked - _"That wasn't the care I wished for.”_

 

Suddenly, he hated her so much.He hated them so much. She always did this to him.

 

The first time he met her, she'd been all nice being his beautiful and sexy assistant then it'd turned out she'd been just an agent Fury'd assigned to watch over him. She'd asked him if he'd been okay along the Accord things, when everything had seemed to much tired, and it'd turned out that after all, she let Rogers and Barnes go. She'd shown up on his foundation and it'd turned out that she just be here to release an awful truth that she'd hidden.

 

He was tired of all that so he stormed off the room and headed to his own without a look back. He went straight to the bath and as soon as the door closed, he hit the mirror. Again and again and again till there wasn’t much of glass left.

 

He slipped down with his back press against the cold wall. Blood was drifting off from his knuckles but he didn't care much. It really hurt. The feeling of betrayal. Was he that bad? Too bad that everyone he knew just find it easier to lie to him rather than tell him the truth?

 

Then the door cracked open. He tilted his head just to see her standing there, sighing.

 

 _"Why didn't you tell me? I need your reason.”_ \- He asked her as she kneeled down beside him. 

 

 _"I don't have any.”_ \- She lift his hand to get a good look at the wound. It stung and he winced in process. 

 

_"You’re lying.”_

 

She didn't take his words and he twisted his hand so now it was grabbing hers. She hold his gaze calmly.

 

 _"Make - it - up"_ \- he hissed. 

 

_"Tony!"_

 

 _"Natasha!"_ \- He fired back.

 

Maybe he was looking too serious that he could see the hesitance in her eyes. But she still shook her head, refused to answer. Maybe it was who she was. He wasn't that much important to her so that was why she hadn't told him the truth. She was a cold and heartless and lethal spy, assassin, he reminded himself.

 

So he let go of he wrist and stood up himself. Though he could feel his shaking hand and he was having trouble with catching his breath, he tried his best not to let her see it. But she was a spy, maybe the best of the best of the best for god's shake so he guessed she could tell he wasn't doing that good at pretending.

 

After leaving the bath, he threw himself onto his bed and closed his eyes. Just another bad day, he reassured.

 

Mere minutes later, he felt the sheet sifted and she took his hand carefully. He let her treated his wound without saying a word. And after she'd done with everything, she murmured:

 

 _"Because that was a terrible thing to say and I didn't know how to say it. You really wanna hear it from someone like me?"_ \- She moved her hand to touch his face, rubbing his check with her thumb.

 

It sounded bitter and he didn't like the way she said it. It didn’t suit her. He didn’t have any problem with her telling him the truth. In fact, he wished it rather be her. 

 

He studied her face. Even the dim light of his room couldn't eclipse the green of her eyes. Her long eyelashes and strong eyebrows. He barely got any chance to be this close to her. Not that he didn't like her, because he did. Not that he was afraid of her, because he truly wasn't. She was dangerous and badass. She fought stronger then any man he'd seen. But still he wasn't that kind of afraid.

 

It was just he didn't dare to be this close. There was always be that intoxicant in her that freaked him out. Like if he dared to be closer, he’d be dead drunk and might never be able to get over it.

 

 _"You gonna stay?"_ \- He changed the subject after a long long moment of silence. Nothing could change what happened and if digging into it would only make him hurt or them uncomfortable, then why should he do so? He truly needed a break.

 

 _"No. I'm leaving."_ \- She smiled softly and bound to crawled off the bed.

 

 _"No, you're not!"_ \- He caught her wrist.

 

 _“And why is that?”_ \- She raised her eyebrow in question.

 

 _“Because you have to make up for not telling me the whole damn truth. In such a long time.”_ \- Tony pulled her wrist until her now laying beside him.

 

 _“I’m a government’s most wanted person, Tony.”_ \- He still heard her sighing through his clouded with tiredness mind.

 

 _“You won't be if you’re with me.”_ \- He tighten his grip around her wrist.

 

 _“Won’t you ever stop being this arrogant?”_ \- She was still sighing.

 

 _“Just… don’t go.”_ \- He murmured.

 

_“I’ll... try.”_

 

He heard it as he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

 

 


End file.
